"FRESHMORES ARE PUSSIES," SAYS SENIOR

WE INVESTIGATE THE VALIDITY OF THIS CLAIM

A local high school senior has made the rather dubious claim that sophomores resemble female sexual organs (the original quote, of course, used unprintable teenage colloquialisms). The staff of the Hawk Lemon set its Expert Research Panel on the problem. After long, arduous minutes of research, the panel concluded that the claim was "somewhat true", but also found that the senior was a "big douche".