Horoscopes (Week One)

YOUR UNQUESTIONABLE, UNERRING FUTURE

Librorpiotaricornius (Sep. 23 - Feb. 18) - This week is lucky for you. Feel free to show up to class drunk!
Piscariaurini (Feb. 19 - Jun. 21) - Your friends all secretly hate you. It's true!
Virgleoncer (Jun. 22 - Sep. 22) - You will contract terminal cancer this week. Or not. Who knows?