Hick decries Ford

Last Thursday, in an exclusive interview with the Hawk Lemon, local hick Jed Cloquist, a senior, gave an extremely poor review of the Ford Motor Company and its products.

When asked his opinion on Ford trucks, Cloquist immediately yelled, "Ford trucks? More like Gay Trucks!"

A debate has raged for years in the redneck community about the superiority of various brands of truck. Chevrolet, a division of General Motors, has gained a large following, evidently including Mr. Cloquist. Ford Motor Company, however, which also produces such non-hick automobile brands as Jaguar, Volvo, and Aston Martin, has earned Cloquist's ire.

Said Cloquist, "Man, t'other night, I was out drivin' home from my buddy's house drunk, when my old F-250 done slammed into a tree. Sumbitch done broke in half lengthwise. Let me tell you, I was done with Ford from then on."

Cloquist has recently purchased a new Chevrolet Silverado, which he noted is "way better" than "that gay-ass Ford crap".

He added, "I drove home drunk three, maybe four times since then and the truck hasn't even been scratched."